whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
