If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
