She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
