don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
