I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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