i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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