I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
