How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
