I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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