How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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