Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
