Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
