bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I want her autograph on my taint
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
