Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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