Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
