if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
