the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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