Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
