There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
