You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
