I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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