so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
