If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
