bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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