I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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