I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
