I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
