do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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