1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
