I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
