beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
