Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
