you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
