Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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