im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
