I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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