I hate all girls vehemently.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
