took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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