When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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