Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
