haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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