She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
