too bad you live with your parents still
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
