Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
