I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
