This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
