also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
