the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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