If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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