bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
